Big Pimpin'

Hi Alyse,

I just started working at a popular clothing store. Most of our customers are between 16 and 24 years old and a lot of our customers are guys come in and buy our Jean. My boss recently gave my number to one of the customers after he agreed to buy $200 worth of clothing. Later my boss started calling me at home to tell me to wear sexy dress before I came in to work because there were a lot of men in the store. I don't know whether he is my pimp or my boss!

Pimped in Joliet, IL

Hi Pimped,

Your boss’s behavior is illegal. He has violated several employment laws and you need to begin by documenting his behavior. You should, of course, remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible, giving out your phone number puts you in a potentially dangerous situation. If your company has a human resources department, they should be made aware of the situation but not before you contact an attorney. Unfortunately, when presented with this type of miscreant behavior, companies and/or human resource departments will try to make it seem as though you are a problem employee. That is why it is important to document all occurrences, including phone calls and speak with an attorney before notifying the company. Also be sure to keep all copies of your positive performance/sales reviews and don’t do anything that might later be used against you. Pimpin’ is illegal and you don’t have to take it.

~Over the last three years I’ve been broke, dumped and pimped.~ Toni Braxton

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“A” is for Attractive

Hi Alyse,

I'm not jobseeker but I am a recruiter looking for advice. One of my clients has consistently said to me that he is looking for, "A" candidates. After sending in a number of candidates I now understand that, "A", stands for attractive. I can send in highly qualified candidates and they will be rejected not because of appearance but because of attractiveness. I can send in dimwits who score a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 (in attractiveness), and they get the job every time. Some of the highly qualified candidates don't understand why they didn't get the job and I still haven't figured out what to tell them. What do I do?

Troubled in Seattle, WA

Hi Troubled,

You do have a dilemma, how do you fill positions based on qualifications when the hiring manager seems to be interested in physical attributes? I don't know how long you have been in the business but hiring managers come and go. You do want to continue sending in a variety of candidates, including the highly qualified ones. You want to make sure that you continue to conduct yourself and your business with the highest level of integrity. With respect to your candidates, be sure to let them know prior to the interview process that there are a myriad of factors that will determine whether or not they are made an offer. If you set their expectations properly and suggest that the hiring manager is a tough sell then the candidate will not be so upset when they do not move on in the process or if they do not receive an offer. There's also nothing wrong with letting the candidates know that their grooming can make a difference. Advising the gentleman to dress professionally, obtain fresh haircuts and advising the women to also dress professionally will allow you to put your candidates in the best possible position for getting the job. In the meantime, I would also suggest that you continue to look for other clients who appreciate the highly qualified candidate and not just the attractive one.

~ Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical. ~ Sophia Loren

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Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Hi Alyse,

I work for a private education company that serves children. My boss is a real "results oriented" type of boss. I've been working here for three months and I'm starting to understand that he always wants me to report positive results. He hasn't come out and said so but I think he wants me to lie about how well the kids are doing. I'm not that kind of person and I haven't made any numbers but what do I do if we get to the point where he asks me to lie?

Moral dilemma in Alpharetta, GA

Hi Moral,

You are in a situation unfortunately shared by many people. On the one hand, given that you've only been there three months, you want to please your boss and be an asset to the organization. On the other hand, it looks like being an asset means compromising your values. This is the situation you will have to remove yourself from. Data manipulation is fraud and depending on whom is receiving this manipulated data, can be considered a crime. If you are the one who actually manipulates the data, if your employer says that you did so without provocation and against company policy, you may be liable. Since your boss has not expressed to you directly that he wants you to lie, then ignore the innuendos and continue to provide accurate data. In order to protect yourself, you should also bcc yourself on e-mail and print out copies of them. Whenever you supply the data, also keep a copy for yourself and note when you supplied the accurate data. In the event that you are asked directly to manipulate data, your answer is no.

Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one less rascal in the world. ~Thomas Carlyle

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Tequila Sunrise

Hi Alyse,

I work for a small advertising firm just outside of Chicago and it's one of those 7 days a week, 80 hours a week type of jobs. I love my job so I don't mind. I finally took some time off last week and decided to head out to Oak Street Beach. I went with a couple of girlfriends, had a couple of tequila's and a GREAT time. Every thing was perfect except for this loser than kept eyeing me, I finally let him buy me a drink and took his number just to get him off my back. I don't think the number made it off the beach. Monday morning, I'm back at work feeling refreshed and ready to go for a meeting with a new client. Alyse, the loser was the client! I was hoping the ground would open up and take me but that didn't happen. He made it a point to tell everyone that we met on the beach and that it must be fate. My boss, the pig, ignored my dirty looks, told the loser I would be working personally with him and said, "whatever you kids do on your own time is your business". I felt like I was being pimped. Please help, this is a big client for the firm and my boss took away my no fraternization policy argument.

Pimped in Chicago, IL


Hey Pimped,

First, I can tell you that things would go a lot smoother if you would stop thinking of him as "the loser" and start thinking of him as "the client". Let him know that while you are flattered by his interest, you have a personal, no fraternization policy with past, present and future clients. That way you leave him with no hope for the future and you let him down because he is a client, not a "loser".

A. Fox
Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds. (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

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Express Yourself

Hi Alyse,

I work in a Hair Salon and it gets REALLY hot especially in the summertime. I'm on my feet all day and I sweat a lot when I get hot. My boss sold the salon to his sister and she came in today, pulled me aside and told me that I'd have to wear a jacket to cover up my tattoos! The reason I became a Hair Stylist is so that I could express myself and help other people express themselves, I got these tattoos before I started working. There's no way I can work in a jacket, how do I tell her no and still keep my job?

Suppressed in Los Angeles, CA


Hey Suppressed,

While you are certainly free to express yourself, you are not free to express yourself in anyway at someone else's business. Since you are not writing the paycheck, you are subject the to rules (that may change) of the business that is writing the check. You have many options but here are two - either get a jacket that you can work in or find a way to be the one writing the checks. Only by writing your own check will you be entitled to express yourself.


A. Fox
Anyone can revolt. It is more difficult silently to obey your own inner promptings, and to
spend our lives finding sincere and fitting means of expression for our temperament and
our gifts. (Georges Rouault)

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Can you Hear Me Now?

Hi Alyse,

I was ratted out at work by someone who I thought was a friend. I met him at work and he's always been cool. My friend asked me to borrow my cell phone to make a call and of course, I let him use the phone. When he finished his call, he must have pressed the "end" button and saw the pictures I had on my phone. Later that day, I get written up (one more and I will be fired because I already have one write up) for having indecent pictures on my phone. The thing is, it's MY phone! If I want to have adult pictures on my phone, that's my business. I wasn't going around showing the pictures to everybody, I only gave him the phone because he asked. I don't think I should have been written up - What do you think?

Betrayed in Brookings, OR

Hey Betrayed,

Obviously you and your "friend" had a bad connection. What made you think you were friends? Friends are people who are there for you in the good times and the bad, you need to reevaluate your definition of a friend. This individual is your co-worker and might have been offended by the pictures (again you really don't know this friend that well after all). You seem to think that it was inappropriate for you to be written up, what was inappropriate was having those pictures on your phone at work. It is no different than having an adult magazine in your desk at work - not appropriate. Clearly, being written up did not demonstrate to you the error of your ways, hopefully, you can hear me, now.


A. Fox
Never explain, your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
(Elbert Hubbard)


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Vehicular Assault - Innocent Until Proven Guilty?

Hi Alyse,

I been looking for a job for over a year, I make it past the first interview but it doesn't get past a background check. I checked my references and they were fine and then I checked my background and found out that there were all these charges on there. A year ago I accidentally rolled over someones foot with my car and was charged with Vehicular Assault - I swerved to avoid another car in the mall parking lot and that's how I ended up rolling over her foot. The person who I was avoiding of course drove away and the woman whose foot I ran over conveniently doesn't remember why I swerved. I thought I was innocent until proven guilty so why are these charges on my record? This thing snowballed, the case is pending so I can't get my record expunged - what do I do?

Charged in Austin, TX

Hey Charged,

This is tough, you would have to speak with your attorney about how you can go about removing this information from your record. Unfortunately, the idea that you are Innocent Until Proven Guilty is simply not the reality of the world in which we live. The term is not a codified nor explicit "law" - in the United States the idea behind the presumption of innocence is held to "follow" from the 5th, 6th and 14th Amendments of the Constitution. Even the idea of presumption does not prevent the information from appearing on a background check and being used against you. In addition, charges like "vehicular assault" simply don't read well. When you go into a job interview, if they request that you fill out a form authorizing them to conduct a background check, let them know that you had a car accident a year ago and someone was hurt accidentally - the case is being resolved in court and while you are sure it will be resolved in your favor, they will find information related to the case on your background. Be sure to let them (assuming it is true) that you have no obligations related to this case that will make it difficult for you to complete all the duties the job requires and that you will not need time off because of the case. Find out now what you are going to need to do in order to remove this information from your record so that you can start the process as soon as possible. You might have to go a few more job interviews but you will find greater success being upfront.

A. Fox


When they took the fourth amendment, I was silent because I don't deal drugs. When they took the sixth amendment, I kept quiet because I know I'm innocent. When they took the second amendment, I said nothing because I don't own a gun. Now they've come for the first amendment, and I can't say anything at all. (Tim Freeman)